i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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