my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
