I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
