god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to make a zoo with you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
