so explain again why im purple
no
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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