so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
