Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There are leaves in my underwear?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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