you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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