I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
