Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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