I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
