I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
