I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
