I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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