Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
