I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
