I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
