How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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