If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
