Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
