She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
