So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
