I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
