one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
