im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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