Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
