My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
