I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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