Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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