So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
