I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We are two peas in an std pod
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
