This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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