That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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