I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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