I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
