i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
