you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
