Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is wine microwaveable?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
