she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
