i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
