I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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