I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
