Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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