i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
