i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
