Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
