dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
