Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
