end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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