"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
