We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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