fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
