I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
