Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
