I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
