The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
