I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
