i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
