Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
