never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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