does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
