She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
