he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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