due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
