I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
