ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
