So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
