'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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