Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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