I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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