I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
