I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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