My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
