: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
