you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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