; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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