clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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