Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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