I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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