People in love make me want to vomit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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