I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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